Thursday, 1 December 2016

Growing as a person

Good morning everyone!

I love crisp winter mornings, the early morning darkness that prevents you from wanting to leave the warmth of your bed. The sound of the frosted leaves crunching beneath the shoes of students outside your window, all of it gets me so excited for Christmas and being able to travel home to spend the holidays with my family.

I have always had a love of Christmas, Autumn and all things Winter. My mother's side of the family have always made Christmas a cherished holiday with plenty of love and excitement. My inner child gets super antsy every year when September hits, knowing that soon it will be a time of giving...and I frigging love buying presents!

I suppose you are wondering what this has to do with the title of my post? Well it does and it doesn't you see, this Christmas is truly different from the years before, for one I do not live at home anymore. Right now I am far away from little Swansea at Bangor studying for a criminology degree, I don't know why I chose to go so far away - all I know is that it has helped me greatly.
Every year I have been with the same people, in the same house, every single day, experiencing the hussle and bussle of Christmas shopping and hiding presents and last minute rushes because you forgot to buy for someone...just me? (Oops). Decorating the tree and pulling the Christmas Decor out of the attic was my favourite thing to do in the world, this year however it is all being done without me and whereas I should be sad, i'm actually pretty relieved.
For the last few weeks I have been at university I have found out a lot about myself, I love being on my own - for someone who hated being lonely I found that I really enjoy my own company, and that's okay. Reading a book with my fairy lights and the scent of lavender spritzed on my pillows, is something I couldn't have done at my own home,  living with your mum, teenage sister and boyfriend it can be challenging to get some alone time! At Bangor I don't have to worry about that - I can prance around naked in my room if I wanted to (Don't worry I wont).

Secondly I have found that being out of my comfort zone and by comfort zone I mean my home, I am pushed to participate in a lot more social activities with newly found friends, at home the only social interaction I really had was date night with Batman. Now I am barely within the walls of my room, going to lectures and then spending time with your flat mates or course mates straight after has become a routine in my life, one I hope doesn't disappear.
These small outings such as library work - Sounds boring but actually we have a right old laugh while doing work! Or a cooked breakfast at 'Mikes Bites' to cure a hangover, has made me more aware of myself, before university I didn't think many people liked me very much. now I know I was degrading myself drastically. I have learned to finally accept that I'm not all that bad!
Honestly this has made me grow so much into my own person as I can finally learn to start believing in myself! I have friends, people fact, like me. I make them laugh and they make me laugh, we eat together, drink together and attend lectures together - and for the first time since I have been here I can see myself graduating with an incredible group of lifelong friends.

Being 23 years old I still felt sort of like a child when I got here, now simple things such as doing my own food shopping, living alone 'technically' paying hall fees and attending lectures even when you're at your most hungover state yet, and even something as simple as buying a train ticket home (I never travel on my own) - have all reassured me and made it clear that I am in fact 100% adult!...okay maybe like 90%.

 I still fool around, I still act like an idiot but I do it with friends and a smile on my face knowing deep down in my heart that I am happy here, I an independent here, I have friends here. This place, this beautiful, quiet, mountainous land called Bangor, has helped me grow, helped me learn to love my flaws, helped me conquer my inner demons and has helped me plan my future here because the way things are going...I may just stay here, even after graduation.

 Happy First of December! I am going to attempt blogmas this year! So after this post is published...a new one will be uploaded!

Renee x


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