Sunday, 25 June 2017

Being honest with myself


Hello beauties

This post has been a long time coming and unfortunately I think it's going to be a long post, we will see how much I care to share.

I will start at the beginning but I promise I will make it brief.
When I was a child I had the best childhood, we have a large family and were all incredibly close. One of my favourite memories is playing spies with my cousin; we were so into it it’s actually adorable. When I was 7/8 my mum blessed me with a baby sister and although for the first 10 years of her life we didn’t really get on, now I would have no life without her.
Unfortunately throughout my life several of my close relatives passed away, including my auntie Mandy who I looked up to like my idol and my great nana who was the strongest woman I know. So many deaths in my life, made me incredibly sad and it started a severe fear where I was and still am, afraid that at any moment someone I love could die. It’s an anxiety that I struggle to phase out, sometimes it keeps me up all night but I’m working on it.

When I start comprehensive school, almost immediately I’m bullied for several reasons, one of them is because apparently I have a pig face which was brought to my attention in the middle of math class when I was called up by the teacher to complete a sum on the board and I overheard “Doesn’t her face look like a pigs?” to which the others kids replied “omg yeah it does” and laughed the whole time I was up there… I worked out the sums barely being able to see what I was writing because of the tears filling my eyes. After that I tried to fit in with the popular kids which only made my situation worse, I was bullied for trying too hard or they pretended to be my friends to borrow my brand new ipod nano or to give them the password to my new phone…I did all of these things only to be squared up to in the middle of the school with three girls screaming at me telling me they were going to and I quote “Smash my face in” because I told a girl I felt like she was my best friend…Yup that’s it, apparently she was their best friend and how dare I tell her otherwise. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, especially when a girl shouted “Hold on it’s not fair it’s three against one”. One of the girls came and stood next to me and pretended to argue with her friends…everyone thought it was hilarious except me of course.

I left that school without a single friend, and started in a new comp without knowing anyone there. It wasn’t that bad, but I still left after 4 years without more than 2 friends, and I only see them once in a blue moon.

After a few years my mum and dad fight constantly, breaking up and then getting back and it repeats itself over and over again until I find myself wishing they would break up for good, that day finally comes when my dad loses his business and we lose our home. Another incredibly sad time in my life, me, my mum and sister move into a rented property and I hate it. We end up moving once again after only a year of being in the new house, all of the friends I made in college stopped keeping in contact after we left, no matter how hard I tried I never got a reply, or I did but they were always busy.
I had several relationships over a 3 year period all which ended with the following...either being cheated on, or left for an ex, and the one that hurt the most was being left for one of your friends! At least now I can say I have finally found someone who loves me for who I am, that is one thing I will forever be thankful for.

Food becomes my main source of comfort, I eat to feed all my emotions no matter what they may be, especially when I apply to university 3 years in a row to study midwifery and get rejected every time. After the third rejection I give up and apply for Criminology instead, I decide I would rather study something else and move on with my life than have to be stuck in the same college for another two years, I eventually move to Bangor for uni.

Before this though I am in and out of jobs, extremely lonely and bored. My mother falls into a depression and won’t go out and see anyone unless they come to the house, this includes family, leaving me feel isolated and stuck. It’s something she still does now, even if she is invited she just simply will not drive to see anyone, I don’t know what the problem is but I suppose only she knows. I save up for driving lessons and have about 3 before I have to stop because I have to help my mum with bills, my only hope of slight independence is slipping away all over again, I become even more sad and withdrawn.

To make sure this post isn’t too long I’m going to talk about events that happen in a one year period that repeat themselves, I will bullet point them to make it easier.

·         Mum and me argue
·         Mum and sister argue
·         Mum gets boyfriend then dumps him and says she will never go back but then the next week taaadaaaa he’s there again
·         My mum complains about having no money but for some reason always gets clothes delivered
·         Mum is back and forth the hospital because of her back
·         I miss college because I have to look after her
·         I try to get in contact with old friends, everyone is busy
·         I cry almost everyday
·         Boyfriend doesn’t understand because he has asperges and physically can’t – it’s not his fault
·         I comfort eat more and more
·         I try to lose weight but can never shift it
·         I’m sad
·         I go to uni
·         I have no friends at uni – I stay in my room almost all the time
·         I finally make two friends at uni and I’m happy – oh wait I have no money I’m sad again
·         I visit the doctor because I’m always sad, combined with a counsellor
·         I’m feeling lower than low – having horrible thoughts
·         I’m diagnosed with depression
·         Do I tell anyone….No

·


I haven’t told a soul in my family about the fact that I have been clinically diagnosed, and I would if it were not for the fear of someone telling my mother. My mother is the type of person you talk about tv with and people with but not relationships or mental health problems, I won’t go into detail as of why but let’s just say for someone who has depression she isn’t very sympathetic to others who suffer with mental ill health.
The whole point of this post is to be honest with myself about the past experiences that have caused me to feel the way I feel, and eat the way I eat. I would have never admitted to anyone before these particular incidences in my life but my blog is the perfect place to talk about them without having to explain myself. I know that there are people out there who have had it waaaay harder than me, trust me this isn’t a “feel sorry for me post” this is simply a post for me to look at and feel okay with the past that I have, I can move on from it finally and say the words I have always wanted to say…

I AM MEANT FOR SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS!!

Woah that felt good!

Although my situation right now isn’t ideal, I know deep down that it will change soon, because I am going to make it change! I have a plan my dears! But, for the first time in a long time, I don’t see myself as a sad clothing size…I see myself as Renee Kent, who loves blogging and loves her family and is going to change her life at her own pace and STOP striving, and rushing for perfection…it doesn’t exist.

I’m happy with myself, the other day I wore a bikini and I didn’t even care, that’s a huge step for me. I will be successful, I will live a happy life and I will love myself. I DO love myself <3
You are all beautiful!

Renee
x


*I always put this here on these kinds of posts but if anyone needs to talk, DM me on twitter @littlerenblog or email me at littleren2125@gmail.com – I’m here to talk* 
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Thursday, 15 June 2017

SCORPIO REVIEW | Jeffree Star liquid lipstick

Hello beauties!

It has been so so long since I have written a beauty related post, longer than I can actually remember, so I thought it was about time that I did one, I love beauty products, make up etc and I feel like I don't write about them or review them enough and I really want to start bringing the beauty element back into my blog so what better way to kick start it than to write a lipstick review!

Purchasing Jeffree Star products is not something I can afford to do very often, in fact I NEVER purchase his stuff for myself, I always save up and purchase Jeffree Star's products for my younger sister, she is obsessed with him and his make up range and is super talented when it comes to make up so I would much rather buy them for her....and then we can share (oops).

When browsing through Jeffree's website to look for purchases I normally look for the things I know she will like as we both have different tastes, on this occasion however I came across a liquid lipstick that I know we would both use and both absolutely LOVE! The lipstick colour is called 'Scorpio' and I will link it in this post for anyone who wants it.




The colour

This colour is quite simply the most beautiful colour I have ever seen! As it states on his website "It's like grey and purple made love" I feel that vibe.
Almost a mauve purple the colour itself may not seem like an everyday lip colour however it would be stunning with a black sassy outfit on a night out or a lovely pale summer dress - honestly you could make this work and look fabulous!

The packaging

I adore Jeffree Star's packaging on all of his products, not only that but for the price you are paying the sizes of his products and the amount that's included it completely worth it! The clear bottle it a must in seeing the colour you are getting - I love lipsticks that you don't have to open to clearly see the colour, I'm lazy okay! But the pink top and wand with the chrome writing and stars is just beautiful, it's one of those products that you carry with you everywhere and can't wait to show off to everyone you know because the packaging is so pretty!

On the lips

The first thing I noticed while applying this product is that the consistency is super creamy and super soft. The wand was also extremely soft and small so it was easy to apply to my lips, I can struggle sometimes because my lips aren't exactly the plumpest around. While swiping the product over my lips the pigmentation was insane, I love heavily pigmented lipsticks especially in the unusual colours you find and this one did not disappoint. Once Scorpio was on my lips immediately I could tell how moisturising it was on my lips, which can be hard to get when conducting a formula - Sometimes I find that the liquid lipsticks can dry out my lips pretty badly.

Overall 

I wore Scorpio on date night with Daniel and the only thing that went wrong was when I was eating food - BUT this pretty much happens with loads of lipsticks and liquid lipsticks, no one can help that!  Luckily I had it on hand in my bag for a top it. After wearing it all day I found that it stayed on for the majority of the day and was super happy with how well it wears. Not only is the colour stunning but the creaminess and the wear I got out of it makes paying shipping for this product totally worth it! I would highly recommend this lipstick to anyone and it truly does look beautiful on the lips!





Thank you for taking the time to read my little blog - I am super happy with how it is turning out, if you have a blog leave a comment in the comment section with the link and I will mosey on over and take a look. Don't forget to follow my blog and remember you are all beautiful!

Renee
x



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Friday, 9 June 2017

Lake Side Stroll

Hello beauties!

This blog post is being uploaded some time after this day out happened but I am happy to finally be writing about it. There has been so much going on right now to do with family and myself but I won't go into that right now, I will wait for a dear diary post!

A couple of days ago I made a promise to myself that I was going to try and walk 12000 steps everyday, so far so good, except for yesterday as the weather was super horrid so I stayed in and read my book all day and had a nice day with my family.
We have a beautiful lake in Swansea called Fendrod lake and the whole way around is exactly 1 mile, the lake itself is filled with fish and frogs and stunning swans and waddling ducks, I love the nature there so much. Everyone has the same idea when it comes to this particular place and it's to walk their dogs around the lake, not only is it good exercise but it's also a great opportunity to socialise with other dog lovers and for dogs to find some friends!



Me and Daniel decided to take Belle on her first ever walk around the lake, we walked the 35 or so minutes there, around the lake once and then walked back home which was great. Not only did Belle really enjoy herself but it gave me and Daniel an opportunity to be by ourselves and talk. It can be difficult being in a long term relationship and living in a full house with parents and siblings...it can seem crowded at times and tensions rise! These are some photographs of our teeny tiny adventure but I do appreciate the little things in life and right now these are the moments I cherish the most.

Love you all and remember you are all beautiful

Renee x
















































































































































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Saturday, 3 June 2017

June Goals & Bod Squad Buds

Hello everyone!

Yes it's me! I haven't blogged in so long and I always say "I promise I will be consistent" well apologies for failing once again! As much as I am disfunctional and unorganised I swear I do love my blog and I will always come back to it!

First of all, June goals - I have decided that at the beginning of every month I will upload my goals, people may want to see what I aim to do but mainly they are there to keep me on track and to guilt me into sticking with them...since everyone can see them I am now held accountable.

Goals for June 

Increase my water intake

Run 1k without feeling the need to stop and take a break (yes I am that unfit)

Reach 12,000 steps every day of this month

Smile more often

They maybe small to some of you but to me they are huge and they will be quite an achievement if I manage to fulfil them. The smile more one speaks for itself, I don't smile very often and that needs to change - I already know that September will be the start of some amazing things for me, I also know that until I am out of my household I will never truly feel happy or free. But for now I'm trying to look at everything in a positive light, after all it's only a few months until I fly the next and feel like the adult that I am.

Onto the Bod Squad! I set up a brand new instagram under the name of 'reneegetsthinner' so I could document and log my weight loss journey so that I can once again, be held accountable and also to become inspired and meet people in the same boat as me. One person in particular who has lost over 130lbs is a girl who goes by the name 'jordanshrinks' I have followed her for a long time both on my new instal and also my old one and have been inspired by her everyday! She created a group on Facebook called the 'Bod Squad' and was kind enough to accept me into it. The amount of people I have talked to and met is unreal, and most of them started their journeys around the same time as me, they understand my food addiction and help me when I'm struggling, I have spoke to people who love half way across the world from me who have been super supportive. The struggle can be real, but knowing there are a bunch of people who are going through the same thing is incredible. And I have Jordan to thank for that...her instagram is linked in with her name check her out she is amazing.

With the help of both the Bod squad and my monthly goals I'm hopeing I will become the person I know I can be, I just need to remember that my situation right now isn't forever, and I've started making progress into changing my life, saving money, making sure I keep my diary and also keeping a food diary is helping a lot! So many adventures, so many friends...I'm so thankful in this moment for everything.

I hope you all have a wonderful day and I promise I will most more...I swear I will!!

Renee

X

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Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Writing stories & serious convos

Hello my beautiful readers!

Writing is always something I have been serious about, whether it was in a diary, within this blog or random stories on the back of my history book pages, it's always been a part of my life. I have never really revealed this to many people, I always though that it was silly or not worth sharing that part of my life, don't ask me why though, it's just something I never shared.

My diary is my life, it's my friend, secret keeper, councillor and anti-depressant. It works for me and helps me through things that I wouldn't necessarily talk to people about, it gets written in multiple times a day and includes so many emotions it may as well be alive - I am positive something can't hold that much mixed emotion without exploding but then I think "Oh wait...I do".
The life I have been dealt isn't something I would have chose for myself, and I think for a long LOOOONG time I have focused on the negative aspects in my life, and instead of talking about it with someone I wrote stories instead. These stories were, and still are the persona of my self destructive self, let's see if I can explain this so people can understand and I don't waffle (I do that a lot!)

I write my negative feelings and self destructive thoughts in my diary as a different person, as if I am writing a fiction book about someone else, that way  I can distance myself from the bad and once I close the book my fears and worries are enclosed never to be seen again...If that makes sense?

And when I started doing this I thought "Well this person needs a name" and then this whole character was born. I would say her name but I am just not ready to release her identity just yet. But nevertheless she helps me through a lot of shit! Right now I get the feeling I will always need her but one day, when the time comes for me to stop writing her story, that diary will always remain with me because it will remind me of a time where I wasn't okay, but I got over it and sometimes looking back at hurdles is needed in life. Aside from my story writing sometimes I slip away from being sensible and can end up hurting others all alongside hurting myself too.

I had a serious conversation with someone. My actions had hurt them and things they did had hurt me but even though all this drama happened she still came back to help which I really appreciate. I tend to voice my feelings a lot on social media because of the fact I find more support there than anywhere else, people are kind online, they go through what you go through and they help when you feel lost. Even though this is the case for most people in the online community I was making people feel guilty about my being unhappy and that wasn't right, however I will still continue to talk about mental health and I will still continue to talk about my feelings online because It DOES really help me, but I think I need to tone it down a bit and be less dramatic and more myself when it comes down to it. Mental health is close to my heart, it's something I suffer with and struggle with and no matter what that will never change...but I can, and this was made really clear to me today.

I have been offered help I cannot refuse and I now realise that I can't let a particular person that I live with rule my life and get me down forever, I have to change that and I am surprisingly very optimistic about it. Being able to get in contact with more family members and rekindle and mend the relationships I have broken is something I am truly excited about.

Right now, for the first time in a long time..I feel great. I'm happy writing stories and having friendly conversations.

I hope you are all having a wonderful evening and i'm sorry this blog post is so long!

Renee x

Happy face = Happy changes


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Saturday, 15 April 2017

Dear Diary #1 | Dress shopping & weight loss

Hello my beautiful readers!

Welcome to my first Dear Diary post - excited? I am!

Where do I start? First of all I am truly happier with my family situation than I was before, I didn't really see much of my family and never really spoke to them that regular, however things are changing and I am so grateful. I have become super close with my auntie again and have been seeing more of my grandparents, all in all it's a win win for me! I spent a lovely day shopping in Cardiff with my auntie, mum, cousin and my sister - Dress shopping, lunch, laughs and family what more could a girl ask for?

We were specifically shopping for a dress for my auntie who is the mother of the groom! My cousin's wedding is coming up real soon and I cannot contain my excitement! I love weddings! And I get to see one of my own faves marry the love of his life - Priceless! It's safe to say there were a lot of dresses we loved that day and my auntie came away with a few to try out and make a decision, no matter which one she picks she will look glamorous!

As for me I still have no idea what I am going to wear to the wedding but there's plenty of time. First of all I have to find one I feel comfortable in, that's proving harder and harder every day but I am sure I will find something.

As for the weight loss situation it's kind of at a stand still, I feel like a failure all over again, this cycle is so hard! Work my ass off - Lose 30lbs - continue what I am doing - can't lose anymore weight - get disheartened - puts weight back on - works ass off - and so on and so on.
Being large is super hard, knowing I can't seem to lose more than 30lbs no matter how hard I try fucking sucks! I feel like I am stuck in a fat suit and I have no idea how to unzip it. So yeah the weight situation is kind of a bummer, it will always be a bummer.

I have asked for some help from the doctors again, the last time I confronted a doctor about my weight was over a year ago after the weight loss pills he gave me stopped working and he made me feel really shitty by basically telling me I must not have been exercising enough or I must be cheating on my diet...safe to say I switched doctors after that. Now I am scared to go back and ask for help from my new doctor but I am sure she will be more understanding and will actually be able to help me in the right direction...I hope.

I don't know what I will do if someone tells me I will be stuck at this weight forever, I am not ready to hear it but I am also not ready to give up, there must be something I can do that will help me.

That's it for today's rants and thoughts - I hope it wasn't too much of a bore!

Happy Saturday!

Renee x


A throwback to how thin I used to be - I look at it everyday and wonder if I can ever get back to my healthy weight again!

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Tuesday, 14 March 2017

My 'Dear Diary' Series



Hello beautiful readers!

Today I had a thought, not a very unique one I must admit but nevertheless a thought that was different for me.

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and sometimes I can never really commit to writing in a diary, it becomes boring and just tedious for me. So I thought I would start a series called 'Dear Diary' where I can blog my entries once a week or maybe more often as a catch up on the week I have had. Since I enjoy blogging so much this made so much sense to me! 

I guess I will start off this series by giving a little info into what's been happening recently - My nana is FINALLY on the mend! If some of you are unaware my Nana feel seriously ill with Sepsis, it was a close call but she is awake and almost back to her normal self, obviously I am ecstatic with this news and cannot wait for her to be transferred to the hospital in my home town so I can see her!!

I came home from university for a few weeks and have been having a wonderful time catching up with my friends and family that I've missed so dearly. Bangor can be pretty lonely. 

Right now everything is great! Hopefully this will last a while, this is the best I have felt in so long and I do not welcome any hardships right now HA!

I hope you are all having a wonderful day and I am looking forward to creating more content for my blog so keep a look out! Question for the day : What is your FAVE breakfast? 

Renee x





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Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Skin care | Night Routine



Hello beautiful readers!

I hope you are all ready and motivated for the start of a new week, I'm finally feeling completely well after my illness and I am so ready to tackle the upcoming days.

I haven't blogged about anything beauty related in such a long time I thought I would break myself in again by writing about my night time skin routine and what I use to cleanse my face after a full face of make up and an extremely busy day. Because I have combination skin it can be difficult for me to find something that really cleanses my face as well as leaving it soft and rejuvenated.
I have come out in all sorts of rashes, pimple breakouts and incredibly red and damaged skin, BUT I recently had a UREKA moment and I think I have finally got the perfect products for me and my silly skin.

Well lets get into it!

...

1) Make up wipes

 - So the first thing I do once I am ready to remove all my make up is use the Simple skincare make up wipes, any other wipes I have used have been so harsh on my skin so I am so thankful these don't sting my face! I remove what I can - There isn't much to say about make up wipes I'm afraid.

2) Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish & Soap and Glory Peaches and Clean 

 - It really varies each night which one of these products I use because I just love them both so much! The Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish really is great for removing my eye make up especially stubborn liquid eyeliner! It just seems to melt away, with the Cleanse and Polish I use the Liz Earle muslin cloth to remove the messed up make up from my face. I adore these cloths because they are so soft and don't leave a harshness on my face afterwards if that makes sense. You basically pump the cream onto your fingers and gently rub it into your skin in a circular motion, including your eyelids too. Then with the muslin cloth you run it under hand hot water and start removing the make up, rinsing the cloth in between. Once this is complete simple rinse the cloth and splash your face with cold water. The same rule applies with the Peaches and Clean however I do not use the muslin cloth for this, I simply rinse my face with warm water.




3) Liz Earle Instant Boost Tonic Water

  - This stuff is a product sent from heaven, it immediately re hydrates my skin and soothes the places where I had to rub a little more to remove the make up e.g. Eyes and lips. This water does exactly what it says on the bottle, with ingredients such as cucumber and aloe vera, it truly revitalises the skin and puts the brightness back into it! I simply pour some of this onto a cotton pad and gently swipe it across my face, there is a subtle smell but it still smells fantastic!



4) Nivea moisturiser&nbsp;

  - This moisturiser may seem boring to some but it is truly the only one I have found that keeps my skin hydrated throughout the night, with my combination skin during the nights my T Zone can become extremely oily where as the rest of my face is horrid and dry. Nivea keeps everything in balance and I wake up feeling refreshed and my skin looks super bright and glowing. I would recommend this moisturiser every time! It may not be expensive or have a fancy name but it WORKS and that's all that matters right?



So that's my nighttime skincare routine! Leave me a comment if you have tried any of these products before I will also link where you can get these products, you can be directed to the sites just by clicking on the highlighted brand name!

Renee x

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Sunday, 19 February 2017

Dealing with illness - Weightloss Jourey

Hello beautiful readers!

I hope you are all having a lovely lazy Sunday and are relaxing ready for the week ahead!

For the last week or so I have been unable to continue with my journey at the level I am used to, and this obviously sucks, but I also know that listening to my body is essential for efficient recovery! My illness has involved me being unable to eat for the past five days unless it was an apple or a tangerine, this was so upsetting for me because I frigging love food! (Cries silently into pillow).

ANYWAY - This is the part where it may be TMI for some so apologies for that but basically for the last 7 days I have been struggling terribly with my stomach aka....Bowel probs. I have been unable to use the bathroom properly which caused me significant pain within my abdomen and resulted in me vomiting throughout the day and spending my time rocking back and forth willing the pain to leave.
Obviously not knowing what was going on I was told to visit the hospital because there could be a bowel obstruction and anyone knows that isn't good a good thing and can be extremely serious. Long story short I was given an x-ray and some pain meds and an obstruction was ruled out (THANK GOD).

But for the last week I have still struggled with the pain and have been unable to participate in my normal routine at the gym, Although at first I was extremely frustrated with the fact that my routine was completely messed up I know now that it's for the best until I feel myself again. It can be so difficult to have a routine that is working for you and then have it messed up by illness, but it can't be helped, and pushing myself would have only made me worse.
I am hoping that tomorrow will be the day I am able to start back at the gym first thing in the morning and just ease myself slowly into my ritual, I will be posting a day's routine here as soon as I am fully recovered but for now I thought I would talk about the specific things I did to keep me sane and help me recover from my illness nightmare!

......

Obviously the gym was ruled out completely because of the amount of pain I was in but getting in some sort of exercise was crucial to me to ensure I didn't feel like I had let myself down completely. Meditation and some light Yoga really helped me this past week, and I really think it helped with my mental health too, being able to breathe through the pain and cope with it was such a relief, I would recommend meditation to anyone! Yoga really helped with maintaining some sort of exercise routine without pushing myself too hard, and it definitely helped me with my boredom.

As for food there was nothing I didn't already eat that would have helped me, Considering I already eat a high fibre diet due to being a vegan there was very little food that I could think of to help my digestion. I just made sure that I ate loads of fruit, apples and tangerines especially, they weren't too heavy on my stomach and helped me stay alert throughout the day and feel less groggy!

WATER WATER WATER - I say it all the time, water helps everything! It helped my digestion ten fold and also helped keep me hydrated when I was being sick often. It helped calm my stomach through the horrible hunger pains I was feeling and really made me alert during the day.

The most obvious thing in this list I left until last - yup you probably guessed it...laxatives! Hey I have no shame, everyone needs this at some point in their life I guess! However these weren't fast working ones, they worked slow and overnight which I preferred because I didn't want to rely on taking loads just to gain some relief.

As for my pass times, I read books and magazines and blogs, mainly social media to keep me informed and up to date on other people's journeys! It's always good to support people even if you don't really know them!

That's all from me - just please remember that just because you have to stop working out and eating properly for a while it doesn't mean you have failed, I have learned this, listen to your body since it knows best, and I hope anyone who is suffering with an illness makes a quick recovery!

Renee xx


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Sunday, 12 February 2017

Whoever is listening

Hello beautiful readers!

Once again I have found the task of writing blog posts frequently extremely difficult to stick to.
Not that anyone in particular reads my posts but I know deep down my posts will help me during dark times so I should be sticking with them as often as I can.

This post isn't about anything in particular, I guess I am working on getting something out every week, even if it's just for myself, I don't want my blog to die, I worked too hard on getting it up and running to let it fade away to a useless webpage.
There are many things that can lead someone who seems perfectly happy and perfectly normal into the darkest times you can imagine, for me recently there are a few reasons I have felt utterly ....Bleh.

The lack of money at university, it is incredibly difficult to find a job here, Bangor is such a small place that barley anyone is hiring and, we all know student loans really don't get you far!

The fact that I am so far from home, this has been an increasingly upsetting factor for me. I miss my friend's, I miss my old job, I miss family (The ones who actually BOTHER with me) and I miss my town. I have found uni life here very lonely, I have 2 friends in total here, no money to socialise, and extremely little communication with my own flat...basically none at all. I stay in my room all day except when I am at the gym or at lectures, other than that, it's just me. Alone.

Times were getting so difficult that I would sit and cry whenever the night came, but for now I have made sure that I take my life into my own hands and prepare to make my life better, instead of settling for what I have, This is why I have decided to set up my own YouTube Channel, this is to document my weight loss journey and to act as a sort of diary for myself to make sure I am not straying from my good progress.
Next I have decided to get the ball rolling on a university transfer closer to home, it will help with both my happiness overall and also my financial situation since I can possibly get my old job back.

I have taken more time to myself to read, study and work on my health, meditation has become a huge part of my life recently and I always do it when I wake in the morning to get me ready to face my day. This year is going so fast that I am getting more and more nervous about what my future holds, but I have a few things in my head planned but if I share them I may jinx myself...sorry.

Anyway I hope whoever is reading this takes time to themselves, your health and your happiness should always come first.

I'm not sure anyone is, but if you are reading, thank you.

Renee x


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