Saturday, 15 April 2017

Dear Diary #1 | Dress shopping & weight loss

Hello my beautiful readers!

Welcome to my first Dear Diary post - excited? I am!

Where do I start? First of all I am truly happier with my family situation than I was before, I didn't really see much of my family and never really spoke to them that regular, however things are changing and I am so grateful. I have become super close with my auntie again and have been seeing more of my grandparents, all in all it's a win win for me! I spent a lovely day shopping in Cardiff with my auntie, mum, cousin and my sister - Dress shopping, lunch, laughs and family what more could a girl ask for?

We were specifically shopping for a dress for my auntie who is the mother of the groom! My cousin's wedding is coming up real soon and I cannot contain my excitement! I love weddings! And I get to see one of my own faves marry the love of his life - Priceless! It's safe to say there were a lot of dresses we loved that day and my auntie came away with a few to try out and make a decision, no matter which one she picks she will look glamorous!

As for me I still have no idea what I am going to wear to the wedding but there's plenty of time. First of all I have to find one I feel comfortable in, that's proving harder and harder every day but I am sure I will find something.

As for the weight loss situation it's kind of at a stand still, I feel like a failure all over again, this cycle is so hard! Work my ass off - Lose 30lbs - continue what I am doing - can't lose anymore weight - get disheartened - puts weight back on - works ass off - and so on and so on.
Being large is super hard, knowing I can't seem to lose more than 30lbs no matter how hard I try fucking sucks! I feel like I am stuck in a fat suit and I have no idea how to unzip it. So yeah the weight situation is kind of a bummer, it will always be a bummer.

I have asked for some help from the doctors again, the last time I confronted a doctor about my weight was over a year ago after the weight loss pills he gave me stopped working and he made me feel really shitty by basically telling me I must not have been exercising enough or I must be cheating on my to say I switched doctors after that. Now I am scared to go back and ask for help from my new doctor but I am sure she will be more understanding and will actually be able to help me in the right direction...I hope.

I don't know what I will do if someone tells me I will be stuck at this weight forever, I am not ready to hear it but I am also not ready to give up, there must be something I can do that will help me.

That's it for today's rants and thoughts - I hope it wasn't too much of a bore!

Happy Saturday!

Renee x

A throwback to how thin I used to be - I look at it everyday and wonder if I can ever get back to my healthy weight again!



  1. Losing weight is super hard I've been up and down the last few years! Very frustrating!

    Good Luck!


    1. It is indeed! Thank you! Persistence is key and hopefully I will find something that works! Good luck with your journey too! x