Weight loss struggle

So this is the unfortunate part where I spill the beans on my life and admit that I am in fact not as happy as I would like to be.
This is an updated version of events and I am super sad to STILL be writing about my weight struggles but unfortunately sometimes that is just how it is. So I will start from the beginning without being too damn boring and repetitive. 

Somewhere in 2008 - I stupidly quit thaiboxing, a sport I LOVED! I was a healthy weight.

Fast forward to sometime in 2012 - Tries on a dress size 12-14 doesn't fit, grabs a size 14-16 Still doesn't fit...oh shit okay lets try on a size 16-18 - just about fits. I end up sitting in the changing room crying for a few mins before leaving with my head held high ready to start my weight loss battle. 

So between 2012-2014 I basically tried and exhausted all my efforts to lose weight and nothing worked, from weight watchers, to slimming world and the Keto diet. Whatever I tried I would lose weight then put it back on including some extra pounds. 2014 was around the time I consulted a doctor for help, they gave me some diet and exercise plans to work with but all my efforts failed. 

2015 - I go back to the doctor and he weighs me, I end up being the heaviest I have ever been at 225lbs. He offers me a weight loss pill called Orlistat so I obviously give it ago. It helps me drop about 20lbs and then it's back to square one. I just cannot shift my weight I end up asking the doctor for some help again because I am getting desperate however my original doctor is away and I see a different one. After talking to him I walk away from my appointment without saying thank you or goodbye or even finishing my appointment. I sat there for ten whole minutes while the doctor tells me I must not be listening to them, I must not be exercising enough and that I absolutely must have cheated on my diet, now I'm not perfect, obviously there are days where I eat more than I should or have a snack here and there but that's just the problem with binge eating disorder, I can't help it. 

Anyway I sobbed while he ridiculed me and he told me that since I was obviously not exercising enough and basically called me lazy that there was nothing he could do to help me...that's the last time I asked a doctor for help...Now I am at my heaviest weight, miserable and just fed up, I weigh a massive 250lbs and now is the time for me to wake up and try again. This time with the help off a more understanding doctor hopefully.

It can be so easy for some people to lose weight but when you have no support system it can be so difficult, my mum isn't helpful, she brags about how good she looks a lot, right in front of me - it's degrading. my sister is too young to help me in that way and I don't think my boyfriend cares what I look like and that's why he doesn't really help or understand. 

Sorry this may sound depressing but this is reality, binge eating is a thing, it does exist and it's ruining my life. Someday I hope to stand on the scale and be happy with the number I see, it will take some time but for now this is my journey, and I hope you will follow and support me through it the same as I will support anyone who wants it.

Renee x


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